A Letter of Wishes serves as a personal companion to your will—providing guidance, explanations, and context that helps executors understand and implement your intentions more effectively. While not legally binding, this document can significantly ease the burden on executors by clarifying your reasoning, providing practical information, and addressing matters too personal or changeable to include in your formal will. Creating a thoughtful, comprehensive Letter of Wishes represents one of the most considerate actions you can take for those handling your estate.
Understanding the Letter of Wishes: Purpose and Legal Status
A Letter of Wishes (sometimes called a Statement of Wishes or Memorandum of Wishes) is an informal document that complements your will by providing additional guidance and information to executors, trustees, and guardians.
According to the Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners, "Unlike a will, a Letter of Wishes is not legally binding, but serves as valuable guidance that helps executors implement the legally binding provisions of the will in accordance with the testator's intentions and values."
Key Distinctions Between Wills and Letters of Wishes
Understanding the relationship between these documents is essential for effective estate planning:
Legal Will:
- Legally binding document
- Must follow strict execution formalities
- Becomes public during probate
- Difficult and formal to update
- Contains legally enforceable instructions
- Primarily focused on asset distribution and appointments
Letter of Wishes:
- Not legally binding (advisory only)
- No formal execution requirements
- Remains private and confidential
- Easily updated without formalities
- Provides explanations and context
- Can address personal, emotional, and practical matters
"The complementary nature of these documents creates a powerful planning combination," explains Evaheld's estate planning guide. "The will provides legally binding instructions, while the Letter of Wishes supplies the personal context, reasoning, and guidance that helps executors implement those instructions as you would have wanted."
Essential Content: What Makes a Letter of Wishes Truly Helpful
The most effective Letters of Wishes contain practical information that directly supports executors in fulfilling their duties efficiently and in alignment with your intentions.
Begin your legacy journey today — download the free Legacy Letter Kit to write and share your Legacy Letter instantly with loved ones.
1. Personal Explanations for Distribution Decisions
Explaining the reasoning behind certain bequests can prevent misunderstandings and potential conflicts:
Effective Example:
To my Executors:I've chosen to leave my grandmother's pearl necklace to my niece Emma rather than to my daughters. This decision isn't meant to show preference, but recognizes the special bond Emma shared with my mother (her grandmother) during her final years. My daughters have received other family heirlooms of similar sentimental and financial value, as detailed in the inventory attached to this letter.
This explanation helps executors understand the testator's reasoning and provides them with information to share with beneficiaries who might otherwise feel slighted or confused.
2. Asset Inventory with Locations and Access Information
Comprehensive asset information dramatically reduces the investigative burden on executors:
Effective Example:
FINANCIAL ASSETS:1. Primary Banking: • Everyday Account: Barclays Bank, Account #XXXX-XX456 Location of statements: Blue file, home office filing cabinet, bottom drawer Online access: Password manager entry "Barclays-Main"2. Investments: • Share Portfolio: Hargreaves Lansdown Account #HL-123456789 Financial advisor: Sarah Johnson (contact details in address book) Contains shares in: BP, Vodafone, Tesco (certificates in safe)3. Pension: • Scottish Widows Pension Plan #SW98765432 Annual statements in: Red pension folder, bookshelf in study Contact: Scottish Widows Bereavement Team: 0800-123-4567
According to the Institute of Professional Willwriters, "One of the most time-consuming and stressful aspects of estate administration is locating and identifying assets. A comprehensive inventory with access information can reduce administration time by months."
3. Digital Asset Access and Instructions
Digital assets present unique challenges that a Letter of Wishes can address:
Effective Example:
DIGITAL ASSETS AND ACCOUNTS:1. Password Manager: LastPass • Master password: In sealed envelope in home safe • Contains login details for all online accounts • Recovery codes stored with solicitor2. Social Media Accounts: • Facebook: Please memorialize rather than delete • Twitter/X: Please delete • Instagram: Please download photos to hard drive before closing 3. Digital Photos: • Primary storage: Google Photos (access via password manager) • Backup: Western Digital Hard Drive in desk drawer • Please share specific childhood albums with my siblings4. Cryptocurrency: • Bitcoin and Ethereum holdings • Hardware wallet (Ledger Nano): In home safe • Recovery phrase: Split between envelope with solicitor and envelope in fireproof box • Instructions for access in "Crypto-Access.pdf" on my password-protected laptop
The Law Society notes: "Digital assets are frequently overlooked in formal estate planning but can represent significant financial and sentimental value. Clear access instructions in a Letter of Wishes can prevent these assets from being lost forever."
4. Personal Property Distribution Guidance
Detailed guidance about personal possessions often prevents family conflict:
Effective Example:
PERSONAL POSSESSIONS:1. General Approach: I would like my children to take turns selecting items of personal property not specifically mentioned in my will, starting with the eldest and proceeding in age order, one item at a time.2. Specific Items with Sentimental Value: • My father's pocket watch: Though not valuable financially, this was carried by him throughout WWII. James has expressed particular interest in this family history. • Kitchen recipe collection: Sarah has always appreciated these family recipes. The handwritten cards in the wooden box have notes from three generations of our family. • Fishing equipment: While I've left my valuable Orvis rod to Thomas in my will, the remaining equipment should be offered to my fishing friend Robert Williams, who would appreciate and use these items.3. Charitable Donations: • Books: After family selections, please donate remaining books to St. Mary's School Library • Clothing: Please donate to Oxfam (no need to keep any except the specifically listed items) • Tools: Please offer to my neighbor Michael Jenkins who helped me with home projects
Evaheld's inheritance research indicates: "Disputes over personal possessions account for a disproportionate share of family conflicts during estate administration, often due to their emotional rather than financial value. Clear guidance significantly reduces these conflicts."
5. Funeral and Memorial Preferences
Detailed memorial preferences provide immediate guidance when executors need it most:
Effective Example:
FUNERAL AND MEMORIAL PREFERENCES:1. General Preferences: • I prefer cremation rather than burial • I would like a non-religious celebration of life rather than a traditional funeral • Please hold this at Riverside Community Center where I've volunteered2. Specific Elements: • Music: I'd love "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong and Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 • Readings: My favorite poem "Desiderata" would be appropriate (copy in my bedside drawer) • Photos: Please use the digital album labeled "Life Memories" on my laptop 3. Reception: • Please host a casual reception with good wine and food • Budget of approximately £2,000 would be appropriate (use estate funds) • I'd love for people to share informal stories rather than formal eulogies4. Other Considerations: • No flowers please - suggest donations to Macmillan Cancer Support instead • Please ensure my friend Thomas Jenkins is invited - address in my contacts • My blue suit would be appropriate if a viewing is arranged
The National Association of Funeral Directors emphasizes: "Funeral preferences in a Letter of Wishes provide immediate guidance during a challenging time. Unlike will provisions, which may not be read until after the funeral, a Letter of Wishes is typically consulted very quickly after death."
Meet your Legacy Assistant — Charli Evaheld is here to guide you through your free Evaheld Legacy Vault so you can create, share, and preserve everything that matters — from personal stories and care wishes to legal and financial documents — all in one secure place, for life.
6. Guardian Guidance for Minor Children
Detailed guidance for guardians provides crucial context for children's care:
Effective Example:
GUIDANCE FOR GUARDIANS:1. Educational Preferences: • Both children thrive in smaller classroom environments • Emma particularly enjoys science and has expressed interest in medicine • Thomas struggles with reading but excels with hands-on learning • We've been saving for university education and hope both will attend2. Medical Information: • Emma has mild asthma - maintenance inhaler in bathroom cabinet • Thomas has no significant medical concerns but reacts to penicillin • Both children's medical records with Dr. Harrison at City Medical Practice • Thomas wears orthodontic retainer at night (spares in bathroom drawer)3. Emotional Support: • Both children have benefited from maintaining routines during stress • Emma processes emotions through journaling - please encourage this • Thomas may appear fine but needs encouragement to express feelings • They've both worked with school counselor Ms. Williams after previous family loss4. Activities and Interests: • Emma: Competitive swimming (Tuesdays/Thursdays), piano lessons (Wednesday) • Thomas: Football club (Saturdays), enjoys building models and computer programming • Both children enjoy our annual camping trip to the Lake District • Weekly family game night has been important for connection
According to the Children's Law Centre, "Detailed guidance for guardians helps maintain continuity during an extremely disruptive time in children's lives. This information is rarely appropriate for formal will provisions but is invaluable in a Letter of Wishes."
7. Care Instructions for Pets
Pet care guidance ensures beloved animals receive appropriate care:
Effective Example:
PET CARE INFORMATION:1. About Max (Golden Retriever, 7 years old): • Veterinary care: Dr. Williams at City Veterinary Practice • Medical needs: Hip dysplasia, requires Glucosamine supplement daily • Diet: Grain-free kibble (Royal Canin), 2 cups twice daily • Routine: Morning walk (30 min), evening longer walk (45-60 min) • Temperament: Friendly with people and other dogs, afraid of fireworks 2. About Whiskers (Domestic Shorthair Cat, 12 years old): • Veterinary care: Same as Max • Medical needs: Thyroid condition, requires medication hidden in treat daily • Diet: Wet food morning, dry food available throughout day • Routine: Indoor cat, enjoys window perch in living room • Temperament: Shy with strangers, takes time to warm up3. Care Preferences: • My neighbor Janet Wilson (contact in address book) has agreed to take both pets • If Janet cannot take them, my sister Margaret would be willing • Under no circumstances should they be separated - they're bonded • Trust funds established for their care are detailed in my will • Pet insurance policies in red folder in office filing cabinet
The People's Dispensary for Sick Animals (PDSA) notes: "Detailed pet care information ensures beloved animals receive consistent care during transitions. Without specific instructions, pets may experience significant stress or medical needs may be overlooked."
Best Practices for Creating Effective Letters of Wishes
Beyond content, the format, organization, and approach to creating a Letter of Wishes significantly impacts its usefulness to executors.
Clear Structure and Organization
A well-organized document makes information easily accessible during stressful periods:
- Use clear section headings and numbering
- Create a table of contents for longer documents
- Group related information logically
- Use bullet points and lists for clarity
- Include a clear date on each version
- Consider tabbed sections for complex information
- Use consistent formatting throughout
Tone and Language Considerations
The communication style of your Letter of Wishes impacts how it's received and implemented:
- Use plain, straightforward language
- Avoid ambiguous or vague directions
- Express preferences rather than demands
- Provide reasoning for potentially sensitive decisions
- Acknowledge executor discretion in appropriate areas
- Balance directness with kindness
- Consider how statements might be interpreted under stress
According to Evaheld's executor support guide, "The tone of a Letter of Wishes significantly impacts executor experience. Documents that acknowledge the challenges executors face and express appreciation tend to receive more attentive implementation."
Update and Storage Protocols
Effective management ensures your Letter of Wishes remains current and accessible:
- Date each version clearly
- Establish a regular review schedule (annually recommended)
- Explicitly revoke previous versions
- Store with your will or in a location known to executors
- Consider digital backup with appropriate access provisions
- Inform executors about the document's existence and location
- Update after significant life events or asset changes
The Institute of Legacy Management recommends: "Treating your Letter of Wishes as a living document that evolves alongside your circumstances ensures it remains relevant and helpful rather than becoming outdated or potentially confusing."
Special Considerations for Complex Situations
Certain family or financial circumstances benefit from specialized Letter of Wishes approaches.
Blended Families
When family structures are complex, additional clarity helps prevent misunderstandings:
Effective Example:
BLENDED FAMILY CONSIDERATIONS:I want to clarify the reasoning behind certain decisions in my will that might otherwise be misunderstood:1. The uneven distribution between my biological children and step-children reflects the significant inheritance my step-children will receive from their biological father and the prior financial support they received for university education.2. While Sarah (my step-daughter) is not receiving an equal share of financial assets, I've left her my art collection knowing her deep appreciation for these pieces and our shared interest in this area.3. The family vacation property has been left equally to all children with the hope it will serve as a gathering place. I recognize this arrangement requires cooperation and have left funds specifically for maintenance to prevent this becoming a financial burden on any child.
Business Interests
Business succession requires particularly detailed guidance:
Effective Example:
BUSINESS SUCCESSION GUIDANCE:Regarding my ownership interest in Smith & Partners Consulting:1. Background Context: • The shareholder agreement contains formal buy-sell provisions funded by insurance • My preference is for my shares to transfer to my business partner James Wilson • The formal valuation method is detailed in section 7.3 of the shareholder agreement2. Informal Arrangements: • James and I have discussed phasing payments to my family over 5 years rather than the lump sum required in the agreement • This arrangement would benefit both parties but requires voluntary cooperation • Supporting documentation about this discussion is in my "Business Succession" folder3. Intellectual Property: • Client relationships should transfer primarily to Angela Thompson who has worked closely with my clients • My research materials and proprietary methodologies should remain with the firm • Personal journals and unpublished writings are separate from business assets
Trust Administration Guidance
When trusts are involved, additional context helps trustees make discretionary decisions:
Effective Example:
GUIDANCE FOR TRUSTEES:Regarding the education trust established for my grandchildren:1. Educational Philosophy: • I value education broadly defined, not limited to traditional university • Vocational training, entrepreneurial ventures, and creative pursuits should be considered • My intention is to support genuine passion and commitment, not to dictate paths2. Distribution Guidelines: • While the trust legally permits distributions for any educational purpose, I'd prefer: - Prioritizing undergraduate education before other pursuits - Supporting advanced education when aligned with demonstrated interests - Considering practical experiences like internships and study abroad - Encouraging financial responsibility through partial self-funding when appropriate3. Special Considerations: • My grandson Thomas has dyslexia and may need additional support or alternative programs • I would support gap years if they include structured learning opportunities • I believe in educational equity among my grandchildren but recognize they have different needs
The Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners observes: "Letters of Wishes for trusts are particularly valuable for discretionary trusts where trustees must make subjective judgments. They provide crucial insight into the settlor's intentions without creating legally binding restrictions that might limit necessary flexibility."
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
Understanding common mistakes helps create more effective Letters of Wishes.
Contradicting the Will
One of the most problematic errors is creating conflicts with legal documents:
Problematic Example:
Although my will leaves my house to be sold and divided equally between my children, I would actually prefer that my daughter Jane live in it indefinitely.
Improved Version:
My will directs the sale of my house with proceeds divided equally between my children. While this remains my legal instruction, I'd like my executors to know that I would support an arrangement where Jane purchases the property at fair market value from the estate if she wishes to remain there. This would fulfill my intention of equal financial treatment while accommodating Jane's attachment to the family home.
Being Overly Prescriptive
Excessively rigid instructions can create practical problems:
Problematic Example:
My collection of 156 antique books must be kept together permanently and displayed exactly as arranged on my study shelves. Under no circumstances should they be separated or rearranged.
Improved Version:
My antique book collection represents 40 years of careful curation. While I would prefer the collection remain intact if possible, I understand this may not be practical long-term. If the collection must be divided, I've marked the most historically significant volumes with bookplates, and these 25 books are the ones I most hope might remain together.
Creating Unintended Obligations
Wishes that create significant burdens may go unfulfilled:
Problematic Example:
I expect my executor to personally visit each of my 12 charities to hand-deliver their bequests and explain my lifetime connection to their work.
Improved Version:
I've supported 12 charities throughout my life (listed in Appendix A). If practical, I would appreciate my executor including a brief personal note with each bequest mentioning my longstanding connection to their work. I've drafted sample language in Appendix B that could be used or adapted.
Neglecting to Update
Outdated Letters of Wishes can create confusion and complications:
Problematic Example: Multiple Letters of Wishes with overlapping instructions, conflicting dates, or references to circumstances that have changed.
Improved Approach:
LETTER OF WISHESDate: 15 August 2025Version: 3.0 (replaces all previous versions)I revoke all previous Letters of Wishes. This document represents my current thoughts and preferences regarding the administration of my estate.
Conclusion: Compassionate Guidance Through Documentation
A thoughtfully prepared Letter of Wishes transforms estate administration from a purely technical process into one guided by your personal values, preferences, and insights. While your will provides the legal framework, your Letter of Wishes provides the human context that helps executors implement those legal provisions with understanding and nuance.
The time invested in creating a comprehensive Letter of Wishes represents a final act of consideration toward both your loved ones and the executors who shoulder significant responsibilities on your behalf. By clearly expressing your reasoning, providing practical information, and offering guidance on matters beyond the scope of your will, you significantly lighten the emotional and administrative burden during an already difficult time.
Remember that a Letter of Wishes, unlike a will, can be easily updated as circumstances and preferences change. Consider reviewing this document annually alongside your other estate planning documents to ensure it continues to reflect your current thinking and situation. This living document evolves with you, ultimately providing invaluable guidance when you can no longer provide it directly.
Future-Proof Your Family’s Story with the Evaheld Legacy Vault
Imagine a single, permanent home for your life's most precious layers: the laughter in your stories, the wisdom in your wishes, and the clarity of your care plans. The Evaheld Legacy Vault is that home—a guaranteed sanctuary for your legacy, designed to outlive the digital noise and ensure your voice is heard for generations.
This is more than storage; it's the one account your family will thank you for creating.
Take control of what matters most — set up your free Evaheld Legacy Vault to keep your stories, care wishes, and essential documents safe, organised, and instantly shareable with loved ones and advisers, for life.
Get Your Vault Running in Minutes with Charli, Your AI Legacy Preservation Assistant
Stop feeling overwhelmed. Charli is your proactive guide who simplifies every step—from setting up your vault and inviting family members to sending smart content requests and helping you articulate your stories. She doesn't just help you write; she helps you build, ensuring your entire legacy is preserved efficiently and authentically.
Your All-in-One Legacy Solution
- Preserve a Rich, Living History: Build a first-person narrative with video messages, audio recordings, legacy letters, and recipes—a digital heirloom where your wisdom and memories are kept safe and searchable.
- Co-Create in Family Rooms: Spark conversations and gather memories together in shared, collaborative spaces. It’s a living scrapbook that grows with every contribution from your family.
- Simplify Every Step with Charli, Your AI Legacy Preservation Assistant: From onboarding and inviting family to sending content requests and articulating your stories, Charli provides proactive guidance throughout your entire legacy-building journey—ensuring nothing is forgotten while keeping the process effortless.
- Honour Your Care Wishes: Complete your legally valid Digital Advance Care Directive with our intuitive tool. Grant loved ones and clinicians instant, secure access, ending frantic document searches for good.
- Grant Emergency Access in Seconds: Share or print your unique QR Emergency Access Card. A single scan gives first responders immediate access to your directives, enabling faster, better-aligned care when every second counts.
- Safeguard Every Essential Document: Consolidate your will, power of attorney, superannuation details, and more in one bank-grade encrypted vault. Your family will always find what they need, securely.
How to Secure Your Legacy in Minutes
- Start Your Free Vault: Claim your personal, secure space in under a minute. No cost, no commitment.
- Add Your People & Open Rooms: Invite family to shared Rooms to begin co-creating your story and sending content requests.
- Build Your Legacy: Use your built-in AI assistant to help capture memories and refine your messages. Upload documents and record your care wishes. Your voice, preserved forever.
Why Thousands Are Choosing Evaheld
By starting your free Evaheld Legacy Vault, you gain:
- A Living Time Capsule — preserve your family’s identity, values, and care choices in one lasting digital home.
- With Charli, Your AI Assistant, Preserving Your Story is Effortless
- Ease & Organisation — everything important, easily shared and always up to date.
- Peace of Mind for All Generations — loved ones know exactly what you wish, and where to find it.
- Free to Begin, Forever to Keep — create your vault now and secure lifetime access
Watch our Cofounder's Story to learn why we’re so passionate about Legacy Preservation and Advance Care Planning
The Best 3 Resources to Get Started
- Create Your Legacy Statement in 10 Minutes Flat
- Legacy Letters for Grandchildren
- Learn how to preserve your family legacy today—simple steps, meaningful impact, lasting connection.
Start Your Vault — It’s Free and Forever Yours
Building your Evaheld Legacy Vault takes minutes — and protects your stories, care plans, and family legacy for generations. Give your loved ones the greatest gift of all: peace of mind that never expires.
Create your free Evaheld Legacy Vault today — safeguard your memories, protect your wishes, and keep your story alive forever.
Our Promise: No One Left Behind
Evaheld’s “Connection Is All We Have” Hardship Policy ensures that financial barriers never silence a story. If you or someone you love needs assistance, we’ll help you secure your vault — because every life, every voice, and every legacy deserves to be remembered, honoured, and preserved.
Share this article